Taking your wife on a cruise means circling the Dairy Queen.
You think that beef jerky and Moon Pies are two of the major food groups
You consider spam and saltines an hore'derve.

Your toilet paper has page numbers on it.
You've got to shuck your toilet paper before you use it.

A tornado through your trailer's yard and makes it look neater.
Your huntin dawg had a litter of puppies in the living room and nobody noticed
When you mow your lawn and find a car

You wish your outhouse was as nice as those at the state park.
Going to the bathroom in the middle of the night entails boots, a flashlight and a trip to the backyard
Any of your neighbors has ever spent Halloween night at the bottom of a hole because you moved their outhouse back about four feet.

In tough situations you ask yourself, "What would Curly do?"

You think taking a bubble bath starts with eating beans for dinner.
Your wife wants to take a bath but you have to move the transmision from the tub first.
You take a bath in the pond near your trailer.
You can tell your age by the number of rings in the bathtub.

The officer that just pulled you over asks if "you have any I.D." and you respond "About Whut?"
You have the policeman hold your beer while you get your license.
Your parakeet knows the phrase "Open up, Police!"

That billboard that says, "SAY NO TO CRACK" reminds you to pull up your jeans.
You think "fat-free" means undoing your belt and the first 3 buttons.
Someone asks to see your ID and you show them your belt buckle

You think the O.J. trial was the big Sunkist and Minutemaid taste test
You lock up your frozen juices because you think that 'concentrate' is some prison in New York.
You stare at an orange juice container because it says, "CONCENTRATE".

Your grandmother has ammo on her Christmas tree.
You sit on your roof Christmas Eve with a shotgun hoping to fill you deer quota for the year.
Your father executes the "pull my finger" trick during Christmas dinner.

Your mother can spit farther than a rodeo cowboy,
You refer to your wife and your mother-in-law as dual air bags!
You think safe sex is a padded headboard.
Your favorite pick-up line is "Hey, nice tooth!"

Your sister's cousin's aunt's niece is your grandma.'
You go to family reunions to meet women.
Your sister is the third generation of women in your family to conceive a baby as a result of an alien abduction

You consider a three piece suit to be: a pair of overalls, a plaid flannel shirt and thermal underwear. You wear a dress that is strapless with a bra that isn't.
Your underwear doubles as your bathing suit!

On your first date you had to ask your Dad to borrow the keys to the tractor.
You go to your prom on a tractor.
You've ever been arrested for a DUI on a riding lawn mower.